There are reasons for this and there are reasons as to why this may be my last post.
I've never been very good at carrying something on. I've tried a wide variety of hobbies but I always seem to lose interest. I guess this is what happened... Blogging no longer interests me. It is more than that, I didn't get bored and just abandon it... in fact I had a bunch of drafts ready. I had a lot on my plate. I was doing Uni work, trying my hardest not to fail this and it seems to be working. I don't understand how they score Uni work but whatever they are reading... they seem to think its alright.
Currently I seem to be averaging around 60-70 with a few 75s, That's pretty good considering less than a year ago I managed to score U's and E's at college.
What else have I been doing...
well fundraising has surprisingly taken up a lot of time. A lot of effort went into making the Deadpool suit I use for my street collections, it seems to work really well and there's something about wearing the costume that is comforting... the thought of NOT being 'James' for a while; It's interesting.
I then held another Pub quiz which was great, 42 people turned up... wow! we raised a lot of money and it appeared as though everyone enjoyed themselves which is EVEN better.
There was also London Loot... 24 hours of fundraising in 2 days and only 6 hours sleep... it was hard work but we all raised a lot of money. Together we managed to raise just under £50,000. which is an amazing amount. I'm hoping to update my fundraising amount once I know how much I raised in London. I still have a long way to go but I'm pretty chuffed. I could have spent it all you know? but I didn't.
There was also London Loot... 24 hours of fundraising in 2 days and only 6 hours sleep... it was hard work but we all raised a lot of money. Together we managed to raise just under £50,000. which is an amazing amount. I'm hoping to update my fundraising amount once I know how much I raised in London. I still have a long way to go but I'm pretty chuffed. I could have spent it all you know? but I didn't.
I've been thinking about what's next as well. I definitely want to do more charity work. My goal is to do something for these charities:
Cancer Research
M/S
Depression
Maybe not something as big as Kilimanjaro but something challenging.
I've been thinking a lot about the climb... I'm nervous, scared and excited. I don't know how my body is going to react to the conditions, I'm unsure whether I'm mentally ready but the experience will be amazing! I honestly can't wait for the views and just the journey to Africa... if you asked me a year ago, Africa definitely wouldn't have been in my list of things I wanted to do.
I've also been introduced into Anime... (it was bound to happen one day) I spent 3 days watching and loving Attack on Titan. A very good friend of mine provided a list of anime's to watch so I'll be giving them a go. It was also the release of Batman v Superman so I needed to recuperate after seeing it- it was a special day... I even wrote it on my calendar. I'm also taking film making very seriously... I hope to write a few scripts using the time I have and plan a documentary ready for Africa.
So blogging hasn't been on my mind. When I came to finally blog, I froze. I didn't know what I wanted to say. The I figured it out... I've ran out of things to say. Think of this blog as... Pandora's box. A way for me to throw everything negative away. I use it as a boost sometimes but ultimately I've ran out of material. I threw everything into my previous posts and some of them, I've realized... are hard to read. I'm not saying my negativity has gone completely. I have great days... good days and then days that make me question why. It happens. But this blog has really helped in a way I did not expect. When I felt weak I would just vent... extreme venting! can you blame me? I felt like shit and wanted to put the shit to good use.
I don't think it worked personally but... 'A' for effort right?
There isn't much more I can say really. Originally it was a coping method but now I have other methods and I am feeling more positive. I feel like there is nothing left to blog about, I covered everything I wanted to. It's nice to know that some people read it, I don't really care what people thought of it but it is nice to know that it has been acknowledged.
I've made a lot of mistakes but I don't regret them, there are obviously things I do regret but I have to deal with them, they're not for sharing. I wish I could continue this blog but honestly leaving it might be the best thing (plus I'm such a slow typer... this has taken weeks to do)
In an essence... this blog acted as awareness. I don't want to label it as a mental disorder... but things like depression or anxiety can endanger you... that's no exaggeration, it's not a joke. People get hurt. People die, it may sound ridiculous but it happens. I'm of course jumping to the extremes but it isn't a rare occurrence and I would love people to be more aware of it and I wanted people to be aware of me. I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert on this stuff, I just used my experiences to make sense of my decisions. Inside everything I did there is a reason. Some of it was attention, most of it was pure sadness and me just giving up. The important thing is that I don't blame anyone... I used to blame people but... it wasn't there fault, because of that they are no longer in my life... am I happy about it. No. It hurts. first their there, now their not and it stays with you, this constant reminder that I haven't let go of yet...
It's been a blast but this is it.
you never know I might be back in a few months with something else to moan about.
There isn't much more I can say really. Originally it was a coping method but now I have other methods and I am feeling more positive. I feel like there is nothing left to blog about, I covered everything I wanted to. It's nice to know that some people read it, I don't really care what people thought of it but it is nice to know that it has been acknowledged.
I've made a lot of mistakes but I don't regret them, there are obviously things I do regret but I have to deal with them, they're not for sharing. I wish I could continue this blog but honestly leaving it might be the best thing (plus I'm such a slow typer... this has taken weeks to do)
In an essence... this blog acted as awareness. I don't want to label it as a mental disorder... but things like depression or anxiety can endanger you... that's no exaggeration, it's not a joke. People get hurt. People die, it may sound ridiculous but it happens. I'm of course jumping to the extremes but it isn't a rare occurrence and I would love people to be more aware of it and I wanted people to be aware of me. I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert on this stuff, I just used my experiences to make sense of my decisions. Inside everything I did there is a reason. Some of it was attention, most of it was pure sadness and me just giving up. The important thing is that I don't blame anyone... I used to blame people but... it wasn't there fault, because of that they are no longer in my life... am I happy about it. No. It hurts. first their there, now their not and it stays with you, this constant reminder that I haven't let go of yet...
It's been a blast but this is it.
you never know I might be back in a few months with something else to moan about.
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